Tonight, Again by Barker Clive

Author:Barker, Clive [Barker, Clive]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub, mobi
Publisher: Subterranean Press
Published: 2015-11-29T16:00:00+00:00

The Collection

When did I start collecting? Oh, now you’re asking. Truth is, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have a few photographs of the male appendage. Ha! Funny the number of words there are for it. I remember reading somewhere there were more words for a man’s wotzit than for any other thing on the face of the earth. I don’t know where I read it. But I remember thinking, well I’m really in on something important, with my collection.

Yes. Yes you’d think something so private would be…well, private. Ha. Yah. Private. Yeah. But…that’s the paradoxical thing. They’re called privates but they’re not. I bet that thing about the number of words is true about photographs too. Oh, I know you’d think the likeliest subject for a photograph would be…I don’t know, a sunset. But, no. It’s the old appendage, isn’t it? No question. It stands to reason. Ha. Daft thing to say. Stands to reason. But the fact is you got a lot of men with, you know, more or less average appendages, still think of them like it’s their favorite child, you know? And they want to have a record of what it looked like when it stood up, you know, perfectly straight, with one eye on Heaven. Because we all see that there’ll be a time when that don’t happen any more. When it doesn’t snap to attention. When it just hangs there, even if it was a really big one. Come to think of it, especially if it was a really big one. So I’ve never had to—what’s the word?—coerce any one of my owners. Not a one. No, nor paid so much as a shilling to take a photograph.

I think the truth is dicks like the air. They don’t like to be cooped up. Left in the dark. They get claustrophobic, don’t they? So you say to the owner, hey do you want to let the Big Boy out and play and he comes. Course you do get some of the owners who get a bit embarrassed.

Especially if they’ve got one that’s a bit too quick to stand up. And then they think. I’m thinking they’re queer or whatever you say now days. Homo. Shit-lifter. But they get over it when I tell ’em this is for posterity. I say usually, you know, I’m not interested in anything more than having yours in my collections. It’s important work.

See, I read somewhere that the sexes are getting more alike. As we evolve we’re less manly. So I think dicks are going to be like something nobody has anymore, in the future. We’re going to look back and say: So, that’s what they looked like? And me, I’ll be dead and forgotten, we’ll all be dead and forgotten, but my pictures, they’re going to be like fossils you know. They’re going to be something valuable.

Altogether, at the last count, I have seventeen thousand three hundred different dicks in the collection. And of course I’ve got pictures taken from all sorts of angles, of really interesting ones.

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